Hello, My Lover

Hey babe, we need to chat. Everything has changed since you last saw me or maybe we haven’t met yet. The thing is, I’ve never really fit into a nice, tidy box. I’m a mess, a hot mess in fact, especially with my gender and gender expression. I’m no longer a twink and not quite a woman. I’m something in between and out of the two. As I like to say, ‘por que no los dos?’ It might make it hard with our sexual attraction. Generally that is a great thing but, in this case, it might not be as great.

The first time we meet might not be how I look next time. I go from a cute short and shirt combo to a frilly dress in a day, but whatever I’m wearing on the outside, I’m the same naked. I will constantly be monitoring my behaviour and my dress. I will ask myself, would he only like me as a boy? Should I twink it up? Am I just some fetish for them? I don’t really subscribe to the cis standard of feminine beauty. If you’re a cis boy I will never really know what you want from me. I hate it, I really do, that feeling of wanting to be wanted. I go out to a club and kiss a girl and wonder, do they know? I kiss a boy and wonder do they know? I kiss another non-binary queer and trans babe and hope that they know.

And the truth is I don’t need you. I’m very happy on my own. But every now and then, after watching a trashy rom com with my friend (or where the moon is in my cycle) I will want to be with you and I hope that you will want to be with me, for the hot, genderqueer mess that I am.